Divorce Advice for Men
So, you are getting divorced. And while there is plenty of advice out there for women, how about some divorce tips for men? Divorce is going to be tough! Both emotionally and financially. Your happy ever after has turned out to be not so happy, or ever after. Coming to terms with this will be hard for both of you – regardless of who made this decision. It’s also tough on those around you- your family and friends. With Divorce Tool Box, we offer divorce help for men.
Kids Come First
The welfare and happiness of your children is paramount. Planning in advance of how to tell the children is so important. If possible, sitting down together to break the news to them may be helpful to you and the children. Also, remember that no matter how old they are or how bad things have been in the family home, this is likely to be a major shock for them. So, you are getting divorced. And while there is plenty of advice out there for women, how about some divorce tips for men? Divorce is going to be tough! Both emotionally and financially. Your happy ever after has turned out to be not so happy, or ever after. Coming to terms with this will be hard for both of you –
It’s not uncommon for children to feel that they are to blame for a parental split. Reassure them that this is not their fault and they are still loved by both of you. Be open about the situation without negativity. If you are the parent that will be moving from the marital home and the children are remaining with your former spouse, ease their anxiety by making plans to see them often. Let the children see you on good terms with each other, regardless of what is occurring behind closed doors.
How can you Effectively Co-Parent?
Think about what situations the primary care-giver will encounter and plan in advance how to reduce stress not only for them but also the children. Single-parenting is tough and not a choice of parenting style that you had planned.
How can you co-parent effectively to make life easier on each other and your kids? A few considerations may be: Can you coordinate school pick-ups/drop-offs a couple of days a week? Will you have the kids’ alternate weekends? What about holidays and sick days?
Another example of effective co-parenting is learning to compromise. Perhaps Easter is especially important to your spouse and his/her family, but not so much to yours. Perhaps your extended family takes an annual vacation each summer and you would like the children to join you on this trip. An effective compromise would be that Easter is always shared with the parent that treasures this holiday with the children while allowing the annual family vacation to occur with the other parent.
Be open concerning custody and division of parental time with the children by learning to plan ahead. We offer many examples of custody and parenting time in addition to more divorce tips for men in our Divorce Tool Box.
Keep things Amicable
This will save you and your spouse some heartache in the long run, not to mention cash! If you can agree on what each of you will take away from the marriage between yourselves, without involving lawyers every step of the way, you will save yourselves a lot of time, money and stress!
Move Quickly but Reasonably
If divorce is something that you are sure you both want and there is 100% no coming back from this, then start proceedings sooner rather than later. Failing to act will mean that any change in circumstances further down the line may be considered when filing for divorce eventually occurs.
Perhaps one of you will obtain a major promotion at work, or receive a family inheritance of cash or property. While you may have been separated for years, are you still viewed as legally married by the court after all of this time? If this is the case, leaving a separation to drag on for years may financially cost you dearly. There are many things that affect separation and divorce that may not seem obvious when dealing with the stress of a failing marriage. This is why we help you navigate the process and offer a program that provides divorce advice for men.
Moving on…
Take time to settle into your new life before rushing into dating new people. When you decide it is time to meet someone new – be respectful to your ex-spouse.
Give your former spouse the courtesy of letting them know before they hear it from someone else especially if you still have contact with them through ongoing parenting. It may also be a good idea to wait until the relationship is stable and long term before introducing the children. Lessening anxiety and the fear of another loss is imperative.
Offer your former spouse the opportunity to meet the person who will be spending time with their kids. He/she may not take you up on the offer, but at least you provided the opportunity. However, the kids are going to be spending time with both parents and it’s important that you are both satisfied they are happy and safe when they are away from you.
Take it easy!
Most of all, go easy on yourself! Spend some time focusing on you for a while. You’ve likely been through a lot and may have had to move out of your home while adjusting to other changes. Grab dinner, watch the game, and catch up with friends you may have neglected over the years.
Take up a hobby: old or new. Perhaps during your marriage, you didn’t devote as much time to those things you enjoy such as golfing, fishing, and hiking trips.
Perhaps you always wanted to take a class, but didn’t feel like you could take time out before. Go do it!
Learn to fill your time with events and people you love and watch as a new world begins to unfold for you.
To find more divorce help for men, view our Divorce Tool Box online sessions today. We offer two programs: Divorcing with Children and Divorcing Without Children.
